It’s about 6 in the evening on this rainy Sunday as I make my final preparations for going into (err.. college, not battle). But still, I am likely to be in the minority of ‘older people’ going to college to do A Levels. So I do think it will be somewhat different for me. I don’t think the subjects will be any more difficult than for everyone else, although I am skeptical about Communication and Culture as dubbed by the Daily Mail as an A Level in Being A Teenager.
I have my stationery, folders and the obligatory bag that I really like. I’ve done some research into the subjects and I know that reviewing my work via this blog and in other ways will help me to keep to a level of accuracy I want to achieve to bring me the grades. All that’s left to do, is go there. Imagine that, actually going and interacting with other people, I might be sick on the first day. I’m not so sure what it is I’m afraid of any more, perhaps it is exclusion? I know I’m used to that now, at my age, to understand it has mostly been down to my own doing. I’m just not that keen on other people, It’s been difficult to find others with interesting viewpoints that go beyond ‘I just don’t like it’, having said that I know I can be a bit boring too. On the whole though I’ve tended not to make an effort, a few close friends is good. Now that they have moved on, having started a family for themselves and I’m still just me, trying to find whatever it was I lost or understanding why everyone else didn’t think that not having kids was a better idea.
Of course I haven’t tried ‘elsewhere’ to its fullest, there is still Brazil! But I don’t know the language, I tried finding an actual non mail or Internet based basic or beginners course for Portuguese in Lincolnshire and was a little surprised. Perhaps I should learn to reed n rite proper engrish first? Anyhow, the English Literature I’m sure will give me a great and wild imagination to run riot with.
So when I wake up in the morning, will I be another person? Will being a student somehow change what it is that makes me who I am? Will I last more than three weeks? I believe that I’ll still just be only me, wondering around in this dream we call reality, defining and re-defining my surrounding until I come to an as yet undefined abstract reality where I’m happy, accepting and productive as well as all the other things I haven’t written and not yet thought about. Philosophy is the subject I’m most hoping I can grasp.
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One Comment
I just re-read this post because it was linked to by the most recent.
Well, three weeks and more have passed, I’m still at college, still enjoying it and (get me) receiving good grades. I have misunderstood one or two essays but on the whole things are going well.
I haven’t experienced that sense of exclusion, amazing really that it has taken people half my age to show me that people my own age are often bigots, but then do we think that of people twice our age?
Ive switched from Portuguese to Spanish, it being more accessible and more realistic. I start in January.
Philosophy is as good as I hoped and I also enjoy teaching it a little bit to a friend of mine who doesn’t do the course. Hamlet and Shakespeare in English Literature are amazing but perhaps not surprisingly since I’ve valued Shakespeare’s plays in the past. I think the most interesting part of my time at college has been the Communication and Culture part which has been insightful, inspiring and very open to me. It’s also influencing my possible degree course choice.
Delightful